I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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