saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
