so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
please come you make the beer taste better
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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