im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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