HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
