Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
