I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize