My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
