me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
