did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im holly from the hills drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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