I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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