69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
