Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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