I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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