you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
