im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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