Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
