She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
