uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
