so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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