A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
