I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
