we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize