Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
