Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
