I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
