How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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