I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
