Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
