just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize