lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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