I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
