peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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