Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
