im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
