It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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