My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
