By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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