hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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