I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
