I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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