Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
