forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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