So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
