the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We are all done wearing pants today
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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