someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
