And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
