Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
