we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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