There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
