OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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