We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
