I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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