I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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