Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
