my shit smells like andre
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
