you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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