My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
