just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
