It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
