I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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