her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
