Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
