My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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