I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize