My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You can't just leave with hair like that
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
